You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
