You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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