the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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