she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
