I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize