Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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