Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
