Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
