That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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