1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
