I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
