Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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