My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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