her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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