I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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