i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
