Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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