was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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