Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
