i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
