is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
