she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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