I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I AM VODKA MAN
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
