So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
