I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
