just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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