the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize