Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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