Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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