you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
