Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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