please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize