Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
