at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize