Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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