u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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