Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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