i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
