We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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