So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
