White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
