3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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