I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
