yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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