I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
