Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
