so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
