Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
