Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
