Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
