Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
