If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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