Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My hand turned me down
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
