I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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