Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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