Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
