She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
