If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
