It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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