He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
