I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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