Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
