Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
