I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
