i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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