About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
