When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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