and you said cock pushups were impossible
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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