I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
