i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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