Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
