remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
