He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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