DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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