If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
