I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
