All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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