her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
